the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
