I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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