I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
