We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
