I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
