I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
