last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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