Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize