KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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