i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
