I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
