i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
