Plan B is the new Plan A
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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