He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
