Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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