the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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