Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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