he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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