So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
