I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
