the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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