Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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