32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
