the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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