dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
