she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
