I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
