I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
