how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
