We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
