she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
