She's JV to your varsity
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I still have a little drunk in my system
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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