what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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