God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
