I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize