I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
