I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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