my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
