dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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