I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
