Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
