I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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