Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't deserve a penis
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
