ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i will never coherently bang her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk is not a location!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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