I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
