moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
