areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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