I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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