so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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