Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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