Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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