Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
