im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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