PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
