let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
