then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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