Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
