Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
