all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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