textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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