did you get engaged???
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
