Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
