i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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