you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
