had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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