in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
