he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize