we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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