totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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