i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
