Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
