seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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