just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
