When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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