Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
