Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
