My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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