So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
