u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
