Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
