it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
