i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
