The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
vagina is talking i cant
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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