you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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