hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
