Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
