Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
