You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
