miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize