Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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