I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
honey bunches of taint.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
