Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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