So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
