Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
