I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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