you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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