When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
