While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
