No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize