YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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