I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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