her vagine was all disorganized.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
