OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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