Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
