Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize