So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
